Clothes Don't Make The Man
by mdelpin
Summary: Gray gets caught in the act of trying out something he's been curious about for a while. His mother's reaction is more than he could have hoped for. Includes a character exploring gender. This is my 8th entry for When We Take Different Paths, an @ftlgbtales tumblr event. This is for Day 16: Family and Day 19: Clothes. Check out @ft-wwtdp to see more stories from FT LGBT authors.


Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima

When We Take Different Paths

Week 3 - Gender Identities

Prompts - Clothes and Family

Clothes Don't Make the Man

Gray waited anxiously for his mother to leave for her lunch date with her friends. She had been talking about it all week, and Gray was excited for her. Ever since his father had died three years ago, it was not often his mother was able to go out and do something for herself. She worked very hard, and Gray felt terrible that he was not old enough to help her. Next year he would be able to get a part-time job and then maybe she could relax a bit more.

She kissed him goodbye, still talking on her phone. He made sure that she had left the apartment they shared, waited for a full five minutes before he even dared to enter her bedroom. Gray's heart was beating fast, half in excitement and half in fear as he stood inside her closet and started taking items out. A dress, some shoes. He touched the material, smiling at how soft it was, how cool it felt against his skin.

The guilt started right away. This was wrong. He shouldn't be in here. Tears began to collect at the corner of his eyes. What was wrong with him? Gray didn't know anyone else who felt the same way.

It didn't matter, he was already here. Things couldn't get any worse, and he had to find out. He had promised himself he would explore this just this once. He'd get it out of his system, and then he could go back to being the boy everyone expected him to be, even if it didn't feel right. Even if he felt this constant sense of wrongness within himself.

He had thought it was bad enough that he was gay - that wasn't normal either, was it? But it was more accepted than whatever the hell this was. Maybe it was his weird way of normalizing the fact that he liked boys. Girls liked boys, didn't they?

 _Dear fucking God, I am so confused,_ Gray thought with frustration. He took a deep breath and placed the dress on his mother's bed as he began undressing in front of the mirrored closet doors. He looked at his reflection, dressed in nothing but his boxers and felt that wrongness again.

 _This is not who I am._ Gray didn't know who he was precisely but this body, this image - it belonged to someone else. He grabbed the dress off of the bed and looked at it in his hands, trying to summon up enough courage to finally put it on. It was a blue dress, and outside of the fact that its fabric felt soft and luxurious against his skin, the only thing he knew about it was that it had been his father's favorite. His mother had mentioned that absently at some point, perhaps when she was getting ready for yet another work event. Gray used to sit on her bed and watch her get ready, fascinated by the ritual of it all. Was it wrong to feel connected to a garment? Maybe knowing that his father had loved it made it feel okay. _God, that made no sense_.

He undid the zipper slowly, and with every inch, it went down a bit of his courage escaped him. He put one leg in and then the other, grabbing the straps and pulling them up slowly, already feeling different as he felt that softness embrace his body. He would not be able to close the zipper, he had the build of a 6-foot tall boy, and his mother stood a half foot shorter, but it was enough to give him an idea of how he would look if it were his.

Gray looked at himself in the mirror and began to cry softly. He swayed a little, just enough to have the skirt twirl around him. Even amidst tears, Gray managed a tentative smile. Oh dear fucking god, he felt so much more comfortable with himself, and as he realized this, he grabbed one of his mother's pillows and hugged it to his chest. Gray sat down on the bed and began to cry in earnest. He cried because his darkest fear had just been realized because even within the small sense of rightness he felt with this simple act, Gray now knew something about himself he couldn't unknow. Even worse, he didn't know what it meant.

He was still crying when the door to his mother's bedroom opened. He flinched as he heard her small gasp and looked up to search his mother's expression for her reaction. A pair of very concerned eyes looked him over as they assessed his condition.

Gray was expecting yelling or at the very least to be told that they would speak about this later. What he wasn't expecting was for his mother to explain in a rather calm manner, "I forgot my car keys."

She grabbed her cell phone and was soon speaking to someone else on the other line. "Ur? Hi, it's Mika. I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it after all. Rain check?" She listened for a few moments and then answered while smiling at Gray, although he could sense that it was a bit forced. "No, everything's fine. Something just came up with Gray." There was another pause before she replied, "Everything is seriously fine, just please apologize for me, and I'll see you soon, okay? Bye!"

Gray watched his mother put her phone down on top of her dresser. He didn't know what to do. He'd been caught in the worst way possible. On top of everything else his stomach now churned with the guilt of having ruined his mother's long-anticipated plans.

"Mom, you should go see your friends," Gray pleaded. "You work so hard, and you were looking forward to it."

"It was just a lunch, sweetheart. I can do it another time." She smiled at him again, and this time it reached all the way to her eyes. She kicked off her shoes and sat on the bed next to him grabbing one of his hands and holding it between hers.

"Would you like to talk?" his mother asked, trying to get him to meet her gaze. "I promise you that I will listen to whatever you have to say, okay?"

Gray shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed to be crying. None of this was going the way it was supposed to.

"Is it alright if I hug you?" he heard her ask through his self-imposed darkness. Her voice was gentle and soothing, and he felt the familiar spell that mothers had always been able to cast on their children try to take hold of him. Gray found himself nodding and allowed her to remove the pillow he had been holding and replace it with her own body. She held him close, kissing his head and running her fingers through his unruly hair. She made all the right noises and said all the right words, but it was no longer enough. He realized with deep sadness that this moment probably marked the end of his childhood.

A hug, no matter how well meant, was not enough to make him believe everything was going to be alright. How could it, when he no longer had a handle on who he was? What did this new discovery even mean? Did he want to be a woman, or was it just something about the clothes themselves? The fact that he had no definite answer made him angry and frustrated.

It wasn't like he always felt this urge to be like this, there were plenty of days when he was just fine. He felt content to be who he'd always been. He'd go to school, hang out with his friends and make out with his boyfriend.

 _Oh God, his boyfriend!_ What was Natsu going to think about all of this? Could he even tell him? Would he be disgusted with him? He unconsciously tightened his grip on his mother at the thought, but she only squeezed him back.

So many questions and absolutely zero fucking answers.

His mom finally let him go, and he opened his eyes, aware of how ridiculous he must look. She gave him a small smile and said, "Blue is a good color on you."

He crumbled, why was she so understanding? "I'm sorry, I'll take it off."

"Is that what you want?" she asked him softly. He looked into her eyes and was not able to detect any disgust or disappointment. It was making him even more skittish, this situation was not playing out at all as he'd expected and it unnerved him.

She reached her hand out to him and pulled him to his feet. She stood next to him in front of the mirror and asked him. "What do you see?"

Gray stared at his reflection and shrugged his shoulders helplessly. He didn't really have an answer to that.

"Have you worn women's clothes before?"

Gray shook his head.

"Have you wanted to?"

"Yes," Gray whispered, not wanting to lie to her when she was so patient. He felt ashamed, and he was worried that his mother would now think of him differently

"Oh Gray," she sighed, "why didn't you tell me any of this before, were you afraid of what I would think?"

"It wasn't that exactly," Gray replied even as he hid behind his bangs, "I was more afraid that if I talked to you about it, it would make it real but yeah, I was also worried about how you would react."

"Gray, what I might think shouldn't matter. We're all on our own journeys, all I can do is to encourage and support you through whatever it is you are trying to work through." His mother looked sad as she added with a slight tremble to her voice, "You should never be afraid to tell me something. We're all we have left."

"Do you think Dad would have been disappointed in me?" Gray asked, even as he was terrified of the answer.

"Your father would never have been disappointed in you Gray, he loved you too much for that." His mother smiled, although she looked sad. " I think he would have been proud that you were brave enough to try something this scary.

"Now come on, I'm starving. How about we get some food? Do you want some pizza from that place you like?"

He started to take the dress off when she stopped him. He looked at her, confused, a question on the tip of his tongue.

"How are you going to know if you like it if you don't try it out?"

He looked at her nervously. "I'm not ready to go outside like this."

"Who said anything about going anywhere?" She grabbed her phone and placed their order as he stared at her in amazement. He followed her out of her bedroom and towards the living room. She sat down and grabbed the TV remote and looked up at him quizzically. "Netflix?"

"Ok, that's it. You're seriously freaking me out here, Mom. You do realize this isn't normal," he said as he made a point of gesturing towards himself.

"Too much?" She frowned at him as he nodded.

"I need to know what you really think," Gray asked nervously.

His mother sighed as she stood up from the sofa, so she wasn't at such a height disadvantage. "I think you need to figure out what this is and what it means for you. I think that's hard enough to do without worrying about what I or anyone else thinks about it."

"That doesn't really tell me what _you_ think."

"I don't see you any differently than I did before I went to get my keys. Yes, I admit I was surprised, but I love you for who you are Gray. Not for what you wear. You're still the same person, please don't forget that."

As he heard those words from his mother, he felt his spirit lighten, and he was able to relax somewhat. She sat back down on the sofa to wait for the pizza to be delivered and Gray excused himself and went to his bedroom.

Gray stood in front of his mirror and really stared at his reflection. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, the dress did not fit quite right, and he looked a mess, but he tried to see beyond that. To see the person his mother saw, the one inside the body, and he allowed his lips to curve into a small smile. That person was still there, and they felt happy, free.

Maybe it was okay that he felt good wearing this dress, just like he did wearing his regular clothes. His mom was surprisingly understanding - perhaps he could try this out, see what he needed, figure out what it meant.

He felt a surge of love for his mom for accepting him when others might have pushed him away. His eyes fell on a framed picture of him and Natsu as kids and a pang of worry coursed through him, but he willed it away. He really hoped that if this was something that ended up being a part of his life Natsu would accept it too but it was too early to worry about that now.

Gray admired himself a bit longer, taking in how he looked - he didn't think he'd want to do this every day, but for now, it felt right. He heard his mom call out that the pizza had arrived and he quickly headed towards the kitchen, his stomach rumbling as the delicious smell wafted towards him from the slice that his mother had already laid out on a plate for him. She was holding an apron out for him to wear.

"It's not that I don't want to see you, it's just that you're not the neatest of eaters and that dress is special to me. Now even more so." She smiled reassuringly, letting him know she had not changed her mind in his absence.

Gray didn't argue and put the apron on. He knew how important it was to her. She treasured anything that was connected to his dad, three years had not been enough time to dull her pain at their loss.

They sat down to eat like they had thousands of times before. It was a bit surreal, to be honest. He took a bite from his slice and was glad he had worn the apron as he immediately stained it with a drop of red sauce. He winced, but she only laughed, seemingly amused that her prediction had come true.

"You're welcome to continue wearing some of my things, but I think if you decide this is going to be something you're going to do regularly we'll need to find some clothes that you like and fit you properly. Your body is not really going to fit in my clothes very well," Gray's mother said carefully, understanding that if that happened, it would be a big step. "If that happens, we can measure you and maybe pick out some things online."

Gray was relieved that she had not suggested taking him to a store. There was no way he could do that. The thought of anyone else knowing was already making him anxious.

She must have noticed his discomfort because she changed the subject. "So how's school going?" she asked him in between bites. "Is Natsu in your class this year?"

Gray was filled with guilt at the mention of his boyfriend. He had still not told his mother that he was gay or that he and Natsu were dating. He felt the need to be honest with her, to come clean with everything he'd been hiding for years. Today seemed the right day for it.

"Yeah, he is," He chuckled nervously and looked down at his pizza before he got up the nerve to look at her. "Mom, I feel kind of bad for having to say this, but I haven't been entirely honest with you."

His mother raised her eyebrows at him but remained quiet, waiting for him to continue.

"Uhm, Natsu is my boyfriend," Gray admitted a tad sheepishly. "I'm gay."

Once again her reaction was not as expected. She stared at Gray in disbelief. "Sonofabitch, I can't believe he was right, I owe him fifty dollars."

Gray looked at her confused by her outburst. "What?"

She started laughing again with a little bit of mirth mixed in this time. "Your dad, years ago he bet me that you and Natsu would end up together, or at the very least date. I can't believe he was right."

"Dad thought I was gay?" Gray asked, surprised by the development. Why hadn't he said anything?

"Well for Natsu at least, I guess," she chuckled, shaking her head at her late husband. "Any more secrets I should know about?"

He shook his head. He had relieved himself of all his secrets and was now at peace with himself. He smiled, he supposed he did have one more, the one secret held by every teenager.

"Yeah," he said as he winked at her, "I love you, Mom."


End file.
